I hate to admit my faults, because it makes me feel so vulnerable. But here it goes…I can be so faithless at times. There I said it! I feel better already! I have been struggling for weeks about a very important situation for our family. I hated to even tell my husband how many nights I stayed awake worrying about it, for fear the closest human being in my life might see through my thick skin straight to my weak heart. (As if he doesn’t already see through it!) But, today God came through again like He always does! Now, can I be really honest with you? As I am typing my praise out, I am already doubting again that it may still not work out…when will I ever learn to just trust our Abba Father?!
I hate to excuse sin away by blaming it on past difficulties in my childhood. Our upbringing is no excuse to sin, but it does play a part in the way we handle difficult situations. For some reason, probably by involuntary choice, I do not remember much about my childhood. My little sister and my older brother can recite events that happened 20 years ago with full details of what color socks we were wearing to what we ate for lunch on that particular day, and I seem to not remember anything. What I do remember is at a very early age refusing to get my hopes up about anything. Time and time again our stepfather made promises to us and then would hardly ever come through with those promises.
There is a fine line between not getting my hopes up and living a totally faithless life. I seem to ride that line an awful lot in my adulthood. My husband is always getting on to me about riding on the dotted line on the street, because one day I might get hit head on by oncoming traffic! Ouch! It is okay to be careful as to not live a totally disappointed life, but it is not okay to live a faithless life!